January was overshadowed by plans for dad’s funeral, as I spent some time in Lincs early in the month to help mum with funeral arrangements and to register the death, and back again for the funeral itself. It was a beautiful service and wake, and the music we chose was perfect. Even the minister said he had tears in his eyes when we played Vaughan Williams’ The Lark Ascending during that peaceful rural service as we said farewell to my lovely dad, who so loved his birds and butterflies and plants.
Other than that January was quiet, I took my eldest daughter back to university and met a good friend for drinks, had a midlife-crisis fringe cut in, took my other daughter to a show of the work of Japanese photographer Daido Moriyama at the Photgraphers’ Gallery in Soho, and generally got back to work. I read a few short books: Carlo Rovelli’s truly extraordinary and unexpectedly beautiful Seven Brief Lessons on Physics (dad was a physicist and I wish I hadn’t waited so long to read it), Donal Ryan’s much-hyped financial crisis novel The Spinning Heart, and Annie Ernaux’s heart-felt and intelligent memoir of her mother’s decline into Alzheimer’s, I Remain in Darkness.
My daughter and I went to see Priscilla before she returned to uni, and we stifled giggles in the very silent and serious cinema at Jacob ‘Saltburn’ Elordi’s Elvis voice. On TV I watched and loved two series of Australian legal comedy Fisk on Netflix and got embroiled in The Traitors on BBC (and Claudia Winkleman’s fabulous outfits – I had a pair of leather fingerless gloves in my Amazon basket for a fortnight, which my daughter pleaded with me not to buy).
For February I need to tackle at least part of the 20-book pile comprising my library reserves and a few other books that has taken over my bedside table. I’ve gone back to Possession, cast aside last month, as one of our book club members has just had major surgery, and if she can motivate herself to get through the book club books on time then surely I can (the other is Andrey Kirkov’s Jimi Hendrix Live in Lviv). My friend Emma sent me A Grief Observed, which I’ve read before years ago, but am gladly reading again. The Sartre book looks hard, but is part of the LRB’s Close Readings series for this year (£4.99 a month gets you a sub to the accompanying podcast). I’m looking forward to Jacqueline Crook’s Fire Rush, an impulse purchase, and I’m listening to Prep by Curtis Sittenfeld on car journeys with my younger daughter and reading bird/grief memoir H is for Hawk by Helen McDonald on my Kindle.

Turning 50 in the next few days and having just lost my dad, it feels like time to take stock and make some time for myself. I’ve been spending my life working frantically at my day job, balancing the needs of three kids and a husband and trying to keep our house from toppling into disrepair and being taken over by dust and clutter. But I’m pretty sure I won’t look back in 30 years and wish I’d spent more time at my desk or hoovering the stair carpet.
I’ve got some fun plans lined up for the month: trips to see Strictly Live (I don’t even watch Strictly) and the Richard Hawley music Standing at the Sky’s Edge with my friends Jo and Sheffield Emily (to distinguish her from my sister-in-law Emily). Meals and birthday drinks with my husband tonight, with two of my kids tomorrow, with my elder daughter in Brighton on Wednesday and with my pals Bridget and Polly on Thursday. Tickets to an exhibition at the British Museum, and plans to see other things, plus a visit to mum. There are loads of films I want to see too, if I can scrabble together cash for the tickets and some spare evenings to watch them in!









